[9:34 a.m.] : [2005-04-25]

i was meaning to write something alone these lines a few days ago, i just never got around to it. there are little things about sarah, things like she shows up a couple of nights ago in capri pants and she doesn't hate john mayer. you know big things that me being me would normally turn away from... and yet i still finding myself thinking about her. in her defense, the not hating john mayer does not include a strong fondness for him either, and she is really digging on cash, and i don't want her to change her style or anything. mind you i am still strongly against capri pants, and it sounds like a double standard, but it didn't make me not want to hang out with her and i doubt i'll care in the future. now, i don't know maybe this means that i'm going soft in my old age. maybe i'm just becoming more sensable. i don't know if it means anything at all. honestly i'm trying not to figure it out because i don't think it matters, i'm enjoying it. well that was what i was wanting to write a few days ago, or close enough to it. i never thought this life was possible. you're the yellow bird that i've been waiting for. the end of paralysis, i was a statuette, now i'm drunk as hell on a piano bench. and when i press the keys it all gets reversed. the sounds of lonelines makes us happier. so she calls me up yesterday afternoon and says something along the lines of "hey, would you mind if i bring some food over and make dinner?" how can you say no to that? i had nothing to do and wanted to see her anyway. i'd have to kick my own ass if i turned down an offer that good. next thing i know there is a small female hoard cooking in my kitchen and pete is playing xbox and i'm just kind of sitting there wondering how i got there. and pete looks up, looks in the kitchen then leans over towards me an kind of hushed asks "what did you do to deserve this?" to which i reply "i don't know, but i must of done something right." and i really don't know what it was, but i'm going to ride it out cause man it's nice. and i am finding myself getting nervous around her for some reason and i think we're both kind of shy around mutual acquaintances and yes it's a nice/fun place to be but i do want to say this one thing that i learned yesterday morning: not holding hands sucks.

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