[6:40 p.m.] : [2005-04-28]
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so... i was watching eternal sunshine of the spotless mind the other night curled up with sarah on my bedroom floor. she had never seen it before. the movie ends and the credits roll threw and she asks if there is anyone i'd erase. i thought about it for a minute and honestly said no. i can look back with what i feel is a clear enough vision to appreciate the time i spent with those girls even if those times turned to shit. i may not of appreciated it at the time but i can recognize where i have grown. anway, the reason i bring this up is because it got me thinking... all those perfect moments joel is trying to hold onto, all those moments of how love was the first time i know i can't have those again for the first time and all the shy or sloppy kisses and holding hands under tables in public places anything else is pretty much something i've experienced before and it worries me that it might cheapen future events. i mean the whole point about that movie is that you have two people who you see connect, they have just forgotten it and the magic is they have the chance to do it again with each other. again, with each other. i know i spent half my time with jenny wishing it was things i could of shared with someone else and that wasn't fair to her but that is still different than what's been going around my head. (is this making sense?) i mean i like sarah and i like the "cute" "nervous" phase we're going threw and i'm not saying just because i've done this before with others it means nothing now. i suppose i'm just worried that i may be stunted some how. i don't know if i honestly believe that i am, i just don't know if it is possible. i'm trying to take everything on it's own merit and so far there are no complaints. but still... |
