[1:49 p.m.] : [2004-11-04]

that's it, i am so damn sick and tired of dreaming about that freaking girl. it is pissing me off. the closest thing i have to a reoccuring dream is just a reoccuring theme. and the theme SUCKS! it's just her ignoring me and not talking to me because that is what she is doing in real life and since she is ignoring me I HAVE NO FREAKING REASON WHY. lovely isn't it? yeah, well i guess it's good that it isn't someone i have really cared about... oh, wait never mind cause it is. owwwww.!? man, my dreams are melodramatic, it's kind of unnerving. last night in one of these dreams i tried to actually talk to her about it. tried to get anything out of her and it was like pulling teeth just trying to get her to even acknowlege me. and the whole thing was set in/around this parking lot and she was waiting for someone to come pick her up and i was standing in the rain being ignored and stuff. it would of made for great television. the thing that sucks most is i don't know. i don't know that she is really ignoring me, there is no contact to say that is the case but the fact that there is no contact leads to little other conclusions. what else am i supposed to do? my dreams have turned against me. ...just like her? nobody plans to be half a world away at times like these, so i sat alone and waited out the night. the best part of what has happend was the part i must have missed. so i'm asking you to shine it on and stick around. i'm not writting my goodbyes.

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