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About two weeks ago i rolled out of bed to wiz. i noticed it was about seven in the morning and for some reason had the thought that i could be in Pacifica in the Pacific bobbing up and down on my "boogie" board within half an hour. well it took fourty five minutes because of traffic backed up at the tollbooth on the baybridge but it was still half the time it has taken me in the past to get to my usual spot of surf.
it was a very nice morning, decent waves and not a lot of surfers. after about two hours the water started to get more crowded and after almost being mowed over by a middle aged soccor mom on a long board who attempted to ride every wave the ocean made i decided to call it an early day around ten a.m. so i caught a wave and let it carry me to shore. and as i was laying there on my belly in eight inches of lapping saltwater i realised what i had been trying to figure out all morning. i just wasn't getting what i used to out of the whole process, kicking out floating up and down picking a wave and so forth. it felt like a process done very mechanically and yes it was a lovely morning and i nice place to be i wasn't trilled by the ride or the water.
i don't know really what to say about it it just felt at the time like something one has out grown. i don't know if that is true or not maybe i have out grown it, it seems dumb to me but i know there have been a lot of things that have felt that way to me. and maybe it's just me, maybe i'm never satisfied.
i know i have less of a desire to bleed all over the web than i used to, i'm more reluctant to discuss every thought that i find depressing, i'm less eger to cry about every heart ache and i wonder if i'm just growing hard.
i think somewhere in there is what it was i was wanting to say the other day, heaven knows i wasn't in the mood to say cheese as good of advise as that was.
at the time there on the beach i was wondering how much my dissatisfaction would follow me if i'd eventually tire of everything that i've cared for or taken interest in and it made me wonder if that is what has kept my interest in one person so long. if i could have the one i want, would i eventually get tired of her for no good reason? i'd like to think not but i really don't know for sure.
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