[5:30 p.m.] : [2004-09-25]
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i felt i was on fire with the things i could have told you, i just assumed that you eventually would ask, and i wouldn't have to bring up my so badly broken heart.
So i find myself living in the San Francisco bay area without a job or a girlfriend or a social network or any hope of making rent next month and no hope of ever getting that phone call, not that i was expecting it. the phone call is from a girl who said she would call, girls say a lot of things but i used to believe this one. it's not so much that i do not want to believe her or that i just don't believe her. the problem is that i really want to, but i came to a conclusion that it just isn't health anymore. so for the sake of my health i now instead of spending too much time thinking about the girl i wish i could be with i spend too much time making effert to make sure i do not think about said girl.
i've been listening to old bright eyes quite a lot lately mainly letting off the happiness. personally i just prefer conor's fourtrack in the basement approch, not that the fifteen peice band isn't good, it just doesn't do as much for me. there's a track that is just him and a guitar called june on the west coast and there is this one line that jumped out at me a couple of weeks ago and now it demands my attention everyother day.
but giving up on some one you want to care about is hard when you are lonely and just want someone to connect with. it's easy when you have other people to focus your attention and affection towards but untill i get a job and make some new friends i just have my need to love and no one to love. the spring it did come slowly and i guess it did it's part. my heart has thawed and continues to beat. |
