[10:20 a.m.] : [2004-04-28]

it's not the end of the world. well, not the real world anyway. i suppose in a way it is the end of a world. it is a scab i keep opening, it bleeds for days and closes slowly. a wound i refuse to bandage or medicate... i can see myself with other women, i can see myself heart broken over other loves that i can see myself having. i can see myself right now looking past all of that and with a single focus at the end see her. the first time i left her i told her to be happy. i thought for a long time that it was to justify my own actions and my own happiness i might find without her. that might have been it, but for that time i was mostly unhappy. my thinking has changed and i now believe it is a thought something like this: if we are meant to be together, if, with a great degree of luck and no small amount of work, we end up together then we will know we are so for each other and for a love, settling on nothing, uncompromising. i like that.

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