[12:13 a.m.] : [2004-04-30]

i was worried about taking time off from work to visit friends. time out of my life. i was concerned i would have certain reservations about returning, that i would not want to. conversation her: Stay. him: i can't. ...you could come with me. her: or you could stay. plane rides i have found to be lonely things. maybe it's just because i have mostly flown alone. and atleast half of the time i've left someone where i was departing from. before i even returned: as i stood holding the gate open watching the van back out of my fathers driveway i knew i did not want to just come home and pick up and continue where i was when i had left. sometimes life deserves change to recognize you're living it. to pick up a routine again, to just set it on the shelf in the first place to pick up again before it can even collect dust is like denying anything happend to you at all. i did not want to work when i came home. but i am throwing myself into it to shut myself up. denial is the best way out (right now) untill i am in a possition to make a better change happen.

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