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so i had a thought driving home from toms.
to have a real relationship, with anyone,
one has to set ones self up for heartache.
there is no way that you can go into any
kind of relationship and be fully honest
and try to make it work, while at the same
time trying to put yourself in a place
where you will not get hurt. not that hurt
is going to happen, but it is possible.
thats where i've been,
i didn't want to get into something and
just set myself up for everything to just
go the way it went the last time. i tried
to be in a state where any outcome would
be alright, and i realized that that
really is not a state i want to be in.
i had a nice chat with a friend last night
she told me no, consistancy isn't too much
to ask, i didn't think so either. i also
mentioned that sometimes i can be a real
ass, i don't like to be, but i am too
often lately with you. i'm sorry.
"there's a shark shaped fin
in the water of my dreams.
an alligator screams
from the depths there,
i'd swim with you there
i'd swim with you there."
i'm slowly getting things figured out, maybe one day i'll be there.
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