[12:21 a.m.] : [2001-08-02]
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"the best and worst of me at the same time. make a tin can with strings to you. let you know i really mean it all." i read a couple of weeks ago, i'm pretty sure it was on one of you peoples diaries(but i can't remember which, i'm sorry i would love to give credit). what i read was something to the effect of this: the greatest line of poetry ever writen was by coldplay when they wrote for you i would bleed myself dry. yes, i agree with that statement, and once there was a time that i felt to that extent for you. but i got over you at one time, i felt that pain and loneliness that comes..."and the more i say it the more i just sound like a carnival , barker yelling selling art. just don't worry about looking dumb. i do it all the time, it's actually pretty fun." when we where on my bed the other day and you where next to me pressing me to ask you something i thought of a scene from fight club, ed norton is washing his pants in the sink with a toothbrush or something and marla is on her way out of the run down house and ed stops her and simply asks her "what are you getting out of all of this?""and whatever, it's overblown, as relative as hot and cold and good and bad and young and old. do anything, theres no wrong it's all right." you say you care and i make you happy and all the time i have a gin blossoms line running threw my head, you pull me close an we kiss on the mouth and in the back of my head a voice as if on a recording plays she had nothing left to say, so she said she loved me. i stood there greatful for the lie. i want to punch that voice in the face. but then again theres plenty of other voices all telling me different things at once and i want to give you the benifit of the doubt, but you treat me no different now than when any other time in the course of our history. so how can i take anything seriously? "this is what i've wanted to say this whole time. i wish for you what i wish for me. the flashlight, the means the reason, the medium. i will say this, will you listen?"two things at once is no way to feel. consistance is not too much to ask, is it? a simple answer, is that too much to ask for? cause i am sick of everyone i know pushing out an alibi, a view, a conflicting story. my life, and my past brought up by everyone for the ammusement and being thier bussiness and all, you where your life on your sleeves for a change(any of you)i want to tuck mine neatly away with my winter clothes burried at the bottom of my closet not to be distubed for atleast another season gathering dust. how nice that would be, if only it wheren't the latest fashion."if you don't listen i don't mind. this is what i've wanted to say this whole time." |
