[11:36 a.m.] : [2005-02-03]

i chose and easy rhyme to fill these moments of your time, i try to keep between the lines looking forward and behind. i've studied highway archeology and poetry yet written as it's happening before me at this moment of expression. it's evolving and dissolving, connecting and exploding, building up and then eroding. i play the skinny indie white boy blues...

some times i wonder why i do some things. i have a long list of memories i tell myself i wish i could let go of. some times i am convinced that if i could i'd be better off. but i know better. it's like that scene in eternal sunshine, while joel is in his own head and after he has argued with clementine and told her he was happy that he was erasing her from his memory and then shortly after he finds himself in an intimate memory and he is begging with no one at all trying to hold on pleading to just keep that one moment.

i think that is the appeal, relating. wanting to lose some things but i know it's not all pain and hurt and while that doesn't necessarily make anything any easier i still wouldn't trade any of it for anything. i'd rather deal with sleepless nights and self imposed ghosts than lose a single fond memory.

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