[12:20 a.m.] : [2004-08-05]
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i'll move out of this state, you can keep to yourself, i'll keep out of your way. and if it makes you less sad i'll take your pictures all down, every picture you paint i will pain myself out. it's cold as a tomb and it's dark in your room, so call it quits. you say you wanted a solution but you just wanted to be missed. you'll call me a safe bet ...i'm betting i'm not. since staring my route in six months ago i've seen things in the shadows and the corners of my eyes and in the dark. i've seen things and i've seen things false and my mind and eyes have played many tricks on me. i can't say it's ever been an issue for me before, but it continues like nic cage in bringing out the dead how (with the one exception) he just was used to it and took it at normalicy. so i see things out of the corner of my eye, things look like people in the dark. and i'm always tired. it is the middle of the night and i am alone. it's never been alarming and has always been a safe distance. still at times it makes me wonder. ...apparitions, ghosts, what ever. it's all just phantoms in my mind that i make to haunt myself after dark. let's pretend that we're not needy. let's pretend our hearts still beat. i want to still lover her, even after all this time away and spent with other people. i have fond memories. but i have memories that growing now and feelings i can't deny and there is the new found silence. she never called back and it's been months. twice is all i could bring myself to call and no response to messages. before that the unwillingsness/inability to preform on little favor. and since i've been fighting the urge for resentment to grow because that is what i want the least in the entire world. i do not want to feel that way. and yet everything else has become shadows and low light and sleepy eyes and good and bad both flash and dissapear in the corner of my eye, like tyler at the copy machine, and i am left with nothing to decern the reality of what i saw and what i am really seeing i just have a route to finish so i don't think to much about it untill the next flash and no matter what i try or if she knows it or not she is eating away at me. |
