[9:58 p.m.] : [2003-08-03]
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i have spent the last two to three hours sitting in an easy chair in my fathers computer room reading a book. not a compleatly bad way to pass the time. but all i have been doing the last two days is passing time and for some reason in this house time goes so slow. i have had little real human contact in the last 48 hours. i think that is what it is about this house, it is not my home, this is not my part of town, i always feel trapped here to a certain degree. but atleast my father and his wife are gone out of town. often when i am lonesome like this i get restless enough to make phone calls. often when i get lonesome to the point of these calls it is night(often kind of late) i think the darkness tries to corner me and add to my trapped feelings. in recent years i put off making calls because of time changes. sitting in the dark on the west coast i have to take into account that it is two hours later than whatever ungodly hour it is for me. so i sit in my silence alot letting people i know get a good nights sleep. tonight i was going to call terrence and realised the opposit of my usual mathmatical obstical. i am two hours ahead of him. it is still early at the hall and he is most likely not in it. if he is he is most likely getting ready to go out. it is in fact too early for him to be drinking yet, with any real success. that makes me then relect on what time it is here which really is not all that late, but late enough to be considered late but early enough to remind me that the hours i am used to keep are going to ensure i am up for a long time still in my loneliness. that is the trick of this place, and that is why i has a distaste for visiting family. this always happens. i am stuck somewhere with nothing to do and no where to go. i have come to the conclusion i do not care for this entry much. i just highlighted it to erase but figured i wrote it so i might as well post it. so here it is, and that is that. i am bored, sorry. |
