[6:51 a.m.] : [2003-07-03]

I've been a desperate man I've been sheltered by a lonely dream There's a stranger here Looking back above the bathroom sink do you think it is wierd, my current time frame? does it seem thrown off to you(any of you not the ever specific you when i am talking to her) i mean my working nights and my day ending at 7-8 a.m. and talking about when i'm sleeping as last night being the day you are reading this. or since there is a lapse do you just pay no attention to the time and date posted and your brain atomatically just makes you think that while i write about my day it is dark out side my windows and not the sun that has been up for hours? I Think about you all the time. It's strange and hard to deal. i was thinking about that lastnight at work. it was something to think about other than you/her. i told her most of what i wanted to say and tried to explain the best i could, i think i did a crap job though cause she didn't sound convinced about any of it. at one point she said i was making her cry, or i was about to make her cry and i didn't know why what i was saying would make her cry and i replied why? because i was courious...i think i might have know why and just wanted to hear her say it, i could be wrong...but she didn't answer. i don't know if she didn't heard me ask or didn't know how to answer. I think the thing you said was true, I'm going to die alone and sad. that conversation was happening when i should of been going to work. i didn't care i had waited over a week to have it, i felt it was more important than anything else, and i wanted to have it all the way threw. i didn't. so i made plans to call the next morning. i hate it, my schedule of work and sleep does nothing to help the time zones inbetween. so i call her the next morning and wake her up for school and listen to her morning routine and had a lovely time on the phone, i don't spend much time on the phone these days and i liked it, but nothing further was discussed or resolved(i think i am fooling myself that there is any kind of resolution to reach) and so that was that. If I could have a simple love How would it feel and what would it mean? I'd only trade you away For Mary Magdalene

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