[12:25 a.m.] : [2003-04-02]

bought a stake to grill for dinner and some bread. it was a good meal. my belly is full and my toes are warm. as i was heating the grill i got an IM, so i turned on my away message and that was the end of that chapter... for now. it's been a good night. i feel good. i came across this site tonight. the intro would not load for me but it is a fantastic site none the less. i also found lyrics from the mountain goats. i've been listening to one song inperticular for about the last week or so, it was one of those that stood out at me. it is called no children, you should give it a listen, download it if you have to. what he says and the way he says it, it is one of many in a long line of songs i wish where my own and terrence and i have decided that we will cover it. the lyrics are following. No Children I hope that our few remaining friends Give up on trying to save us I hope we come up with a failsafe plot To piss off the dumb few that forgave us I hope the fences we mended Fall down beneath their own weight And I hope we hang on past the last exit I hope it's already too late And I hope the junkyard a few blocks from here Someday burns down And I hope the rising black smoke carries me far away And I never come back to this town Again in my life I hope I lie And tell everyone you were a good wife And I hope you die I hope we both die I hope I cut myself shaving tomorrow I hope it bleeds all day long Our friends say it's darkest before the sun rises We're pretty sure they're all wrong I hope it stays dark forever I hope the worst isn't over And I hope you blink before I do Yeah I hope I never get sober And I hope when you think of me years down the line You can't find one good thing to say And I'd hope that if I found the strength to walk out You'd stay the hell out of my way I am drowning - There is no sign of land You are coming down with me - Hand in unlovable hand And I hope you die I hope we both die i first took notice of the song driving home from work. it made me sad and feel better at the same time. both for no reason, or for every reason in the world. because i wanted to relate or because i know i could relate and those who know me know it's true that i can or maybe it's because i wish i couldn't relate... or just all at once. it just made me smile and play it again two more times till i got home. it was a nice afternoon in the car.

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