[1:17 a.m.] : [2001-05-12]
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"i love you mark. i love you. you know that right?" thats all i got. how am i even supposed to respond? sure it looks great, hey most people would love to have someone just send them an email saying someone loved them so why am i complaining? because i don't know how to respond to it. should i send a thanks i love you just as a friend as well lets get icecream and talk about puppies? cause it certainly isn't an oh baby oh baby i love you, i need you. not that i even want that from her. i just wish i could feel good responding, like always i just send a 'yeah, i know.' ...should there be more? i don't know, if i wouldn't feel guilty i don't think i would even respond at all. and i don't want that to sound the wrong way becuase i don't mind replying ...i just would rather reply with something i could feel good about saying or at least feel it isn't just a standard lame auto-response. why must i have the curse of being so damn loveable...in the friend kinda way? and what if it wasn't just in a friend kind of way? any of it, any of the i love you, what if she ever said it to mean what i mean when ever i say it. i don't know, i was thinking about that tonight and even if by some sick twist of life and fate and whatever else we ever where put in the situation to have anything between us again beyond friends i honestly don't know if i could take all of her sincerity without questioning, it's sad to say, but i honestly don't think i could have her tell me she loves me(in that way) and not have some doubt in the back of my mind. tom really had the best idea tonight, i want a brownie too.
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