[10:05 p.m.] : [2001-05-03]
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i open my windows to lets some air come in, i find myself sleeping in sweat all night long, the breeze doesn't help, my room just has no flow of air, my photos bend like all pictures do in the heat, start to fold with the rising temperature, the edges fold outwards, and all the pictures on my walls just can't be held by the adhesive anymore, i push the corners down every time i enter the room, i leave, i come back in and new corners are up, its a battle i just can't win, i looked at her photo i have on my wall, it used to be my favorite, i couldn't honestly say if it still is, why should that have changed, just because i said some angry words, sometimes things can just be really screwed up, i'd really like to talk to her but i don't know what to say, but the picture just hung coming off the wall like paint cracking and peeling with time, the face in the photograph was one i hadn't seen shine in such a way for such a long time, i've just been away, i almost felt guilty just looking at the picture, no over bearing sense of love or joy or sadness, like the photos i used to see of meghan, such a beautiful face i didn't know, i pushed the turned up corners down on it, said good night, turned out the light, and went to bed with the covers laying on the floor, i drempt of things, and i think there might of been a point she was there, but i just can't remember for sure, i woke up pushed the corners down turned on the cd from last night, death cab has been in my player for the last three days, its not that it is that great of an album but i like it more and more with every listen, so maybe it is that good, or i've just been needing it somehow, all this heat is just another reminder of how badly i need something different. |
