[10:09 p.m.] : [2017-12-12]
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I used to dream about the future
It changes and moves around the calendar, I think that's my favorite thing about this self inflicted holiday I lovingly refer to as "Emo Day." By it's very nature it's fluid, I'd say that gives me hope but that by it's nature would be in direct opposition to the whole point of the day's celebration. Or lack of. For the longest time it was the anniversary of getting literally dumped in the drop off late at the airport, no discussion, no good byes, no hugs... just me standing blocking traffic as she drove away as fast as she could. Of course I didn't know it at the time, it took a good handful of months and a move across the country for her to break the news officially and so I packed my car back up and carried myself back out west to die next to the ocean. Then, years later when I wasn't expecting it I looked across a crowded room and saw a girl who reminded me of another girl. Then I talked to her. Then we hung out. Then I felt the cold dead lump in my chest convulse for the first time in half a decade. Then we broke up. It was never love but damn I miss Beth more than any other, or at least that's what I'm telling myself to help keep me from falling asleep all alone tonight.
So you can call me loser |
