[11:12 p.m.] : [2011-03-09]

I went exploring today.

On my way to the dune I noticed a sign at a turn off to a rough dirt road. The sign said something about some falls. Last year was a good year for waterfalls so I figured what the hell.

After we shot the wedding in Tahoe, as we were driving home the next day we passed a turn off for some falls but I kept driving. I kind of wish I'd of stopped. I had, at the time, thought of turning the car around and going back to it. But I kept on driving. Alex went back a few weeks later and reported the trail didn't actually lead to the very top of the falls, but still I kind of wish I had stopped.

So after a few miles on this trail winding up the side of Blanca I arrived, not knowing what to expect, at a parking area with a sign saying the falls were only a half mile walk. So I walked.

There was a large warning sign that stated there should be no swimming due to dangers of depth and current. But the river, or creek, or stream, whatever you want to call it was frozen, iced over and covered with snow. So I ignored the sign and followed the path of frozen water up stream.

On both sides of the path were high rock faces and I figured at some point there had to be falls, unless they had dried out before the winter hit. It was all new to me. The path turned a corner in the rock into an almost cave, and around another corner the roof opened. And there was the falls, frozen over going up fifty feet.

A detour on a whim, a short hike, a couple of corners, and then a massive wall of ice stretching up in front of me. It was absolutely amazing. At places the ice was smooth and clear and through the solid foot of frozen water you could see and hear it rushing. In front of my face, under my feet the river continued to flow.

All alone in an ice cave I'd discovered by accident. I had gone looking for it, I hadn't imagined I'd have such an experience when I had woken up this morning. Still...

It was beautiful and amazing and sometimes it strikes me so hard how badly I wish I had someone to share things with.

I've had pretty much only four thoughts today. The first is a wish that I could have danced with Beth at a wedding. Not ours, I'm not that naieve or idealistic, but either of the weddings we both happened to attend last year after the break up. I wanted to ask and had I thought she might be able to consider thinking of accepting the offer out of civility I would have probably asked. But I knew she would decline without giving it a second of actual thought. AND FUCK THAT.

The second thought was just general nothings about Amber, it's nice to have someone to think about with no certainties attached. It feels almost like hope.

The third is like a hyphenated thought, an argument could be made it's actually two separate thoughts, but no. I keep thinking about how much I really just hate to sleep alone- and looking around I keep hearing this Good Life song, Tim keeps singing "These graces of beauty have left me so cold."

I decided the sun was setting to it was time to leave and head back to the mountain. This was hours after the waterfall and the ice, I was at the dunes on another primitive road that was just dirt and rocks and holes and the sun was behind the dunes and the sky was still orange and things were glowing around the horizon and the sun roof was open and it was starting to get cold out side and the seat warmer was turned all the way up and the air had that desert smell to it that I miss from when I lived in the trailer in the valley just a few miles from the turn off to the dunes...

All of this at once, and I had Sleepercar on shuffle and the tracks played in just the right order for the mood and the moment. And above all other things, the beauty and the wants, I think simply enough that today was a really good day.

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