[1:09 a.m.] : [2008-05-20]

I know the enthusiasm I had in the last entry and if it seems nothing came about from it well that is a fair assesment. I made a couple of what I guess could be labeled as mature decisions. First I decided to be a little more careful on the approach, I know how I get when I like a girl without knowing her. The asking out and the going out, it's all awkward or I should say it makes me awkward. It makes me act dumb. I'm not me. I really like to be me so if somethings gonna happen I was thinking maybe I should let the novelty pass so it could be taken serious. Letting it pass led to thinking seriously that it just might not work. She is nice. She is really, really nice and I like that. I have this thing about liking nice girls. The thing is it usually makes me feel like I'm not right for them with my foul mouth and lack of other certain censors. I'm not saying I think I'm a bad guy cause I know I'm awsome and good hearted blah blah blah but you know what I'm saying right? (okay, if you don't you're too young so go find something else to read, the grown ups are talking.) So that's where things sit. I can't let myself be naive enough to think I can be good enough or at least to think I'd be happy enough being that good. What really pisses me off is I have an idea but I just can't pinpoint it exactly, the moment it changed... I changed, there's new parts of me or more of me that understands more clearly old things. I don't know if it is all a result of going back to Houston or just another year older.

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