[6:11 p.m.] : [2005-12-11]
|
when we, you and I (everyone), were little children we heard stories. there had been tales, not only fairy tales but stories of passage and love and sacrifices. Princes and common boys and their love and conquest for the hand of thier maiden. they were simple as stories for children often are. i went to houston for a few days over the thanksgiving holiday. when i came home sarah told me about a dream she had that i returned and told her i was no longer interested because i loved another. she asked me how it was because she knew i had seen ashley. now it was not a secret, she knew because i told her, and i told her because in it there was nothing to hide. i saw ashley, we hung out, and it was nice to see her. we had after all been friends in addition to more. and there is still an ease and comfort to her company. in conversation with ashley she mentioned a concern that when we had been together i had been ashamed of her. growing older they changed. the fairytale was gone, replaced by folk legend and such, but the ideas and principles where the same. and in us the seeds planted by the fairy tales grew and there was anxiety to grow and find our loves and prove what they ment to us and that there was nothing we could not over come to prove our love for them was true. at the time i made no excuses i was the one, after all, that left. that could not be denied but it did start me thinking. there had been many things at the time i did not understand or comprehend or simply was too young to admit to. in a way i felt compelled to leave to set out and see if there was something to be made of myself and then to return or meet up again with her at a later time. then there was heart break and dissapointments and instead of a quest i had just left and started a new life. the life has not been bad, i have loved others and it has been honest and then i left them. now i'm setting out again and can't help but wonder what the point of any of it has been. once there was a point and an end. there was a finish line to run for and now some times it feels like i'm navigating a forgotten course with a broken compass. we grew older still and the ideas of a nobel life and quest for someone else was trampled under foot of a modern civilization. the stories are not set long ago in forgotten kingdoms because they are legends, they are legends because such things are not done today. and having a love and no quest crushed our spirits and stuck in minimum wage jobs apathy became our lives. |
