[12:23 a.m.] : [2004-10-15]

I went down to Houston And I stopped in San Antone I passed up the station for the bus I was trying to find me something But I wasn't sure just what Man I ended up with pockets full of dust So I went on to Cleveland and I ended up insane I bought a borrowed suit and learned to dance I was spending money like the way it likes to rain Man I ended up with pockets full of cane ...cheese. (there, you happy ya bastard?) well it's twelve thirty in the a.m. on the west coast. and by no means should anyone be suprised by the fact that i can't sleep. of course it doesn't help that i haven't been getting to bed untill ususally around two, but when i just lay there rolling over for an hour or two what is the point? but my insomnia is not the point of this entry, of course typing on the subject reminds me of the wonder facts learned from fight club, at least i can't die from insomnia. that knowledge, it doesn't make me feel better about myself. but don't get me wrong i don't feel bad about myself. just one thing. that is it. something unresolved or already dead, i really don't know. maybe that dream (not one i had) was right, wouldn't that be a funny(and mind you sucky) twist? but moving on i need a freakin job. there are a million reasons, most of them are rent related which brings me to the point, working does suck. as much as i hate my current situation of less than two dollars in my checking account and no promise of income on the horrizon i am still maintaining a good outlook and really i am enjoying life. and that's really where the no money causes frustrations cause man i am in such a good place, not counting the hoplessly lonely part where i'm stuck on someone not close to me, but even that is nothing new half my life has been like that so it doesn't get me down as much these days. mid seventies and sunny that is what it has been since i got here and it cries for me to get out, to go to the oceans edge, i walk out of my building and i have a full view of the bay and it is so fantastic living this close to the water. and i really want to go camping up the coast and i'm close enough to get away to point reyes if i want to, i just can't cause i got less than two dollars to my name. and that really sucks. if i wasn't so hopelessly poor then my solitude wouldn't be so bad. i say that now, of course if i could get out i'd be saying how i wish i was able to share the simple joys with someone and that not being able to do that is worse that the solitude and sitting in my apartment doing nothing. maybe it is, but at this point i'd rather then be making that complaint. and now to reward everyone who just read threw all my drivel here is something from a publication i was handed on the UCBerkely campus today. the publication is entitled the heuristic squelch and is an absolute gem, a fine and upstanding pillar of the finest journalism. here some excerpts from their Top Ten Lists: Top10 Disney Blaxploitation Films:10.The Aristoblacks 6.The Foxy Bitch and the Hound 5.Snow Honkey and the Seven Jive Turkeys 4.The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh and This Huge Black Guy Who Hates White People Top10 Election-themed Gay Porn Movies: 9.The Erectorial College 8.Only Bob Dole's Right Arm Is Limp 4.Teabagging the Carpetbagger:A night with Alan Keyes Cock the Vote Top10 Misogynistic Rock Songs:9.She Works Hard For The Money(but ears only 70%) 7.Black Eye of the Tiger Who Talked Back 6.Baby You Can't Drive My Car(no, really, you can't) 4.Don't Fear The Reaper, Fear Your Husband Top10 Scientist Pickup Lines:10.Girl you must be a parametric equation, 'cause you got curves in all the right places. 5.I must have a Bunsen burner in my chest, 'cause my heart's on fire. 4.You're like a microsope sample, because i need to mount you. and i will finish with the Top 5 Song Lyrics Rejected by Johnny Cash for Not Being Tough Enough: 5."I shot a man in Reno/ Just to get some pie" 4."Love is a burning thing/ And it really hurts/ To touch burning things" 3."Daddy sang bass/ Other daddy sang tenor" 2."Because your mine/ I walk across the street when instructed by the sign" 1."My daddy left home when I was three/ He came back home later that day, but still" well, i think i will be adding more from them at a later date. they have a web site you should check it out and i'd like to point out high points like Pen Pales, and Magic Realism from the Point of View of an Oppressive Misogynist Culture, but really the whole thing is nothing but high points and i must admit that had that wonderful issue not been thrust into my hand in passing the guy who was handing them out blindly my day would of just been incomplete and i might have slit my wrists in the tub, not really. ...well maybe just a little slice.

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