[1:41 a.m.] : [2004-05-28]

the conversation should go something like this: i say "i am affraid i'm an asshole." to which you would reply "what? no, your not an asshole. your a stand up guy." and i just stare past your head and move my lips to one side of my face and the conversation is over. i called to ask one maybe two questions, yes/no types. no really conversation intended or meaningful dialog expected yet after the three second exchange no good way to just as briefly and easily end the call. because there is so much land between and hundreds of pet years and time already gone by with other new people. promises of calling me back are nice but i understand. how can i even deal with the problems of the people who are in my life? lately i've been trying not to i guess. i remember last summer i had my antimark kick, doing things out of my normal mark charecter. i don't know if after the season ended i ever picked the charecter back up. not that i continued to do things that where unlike me, because normally i don't break even between takes. maybe i'll make it a summer thing, but i do know i don't feel any way and i know she does not deserve it. but, ...i don't even have the energy to properly not give a damn. this diary is a wasteland these days. or is it just me? i'm going to steal something here now if i may. the conversation should go something like this: "I've been considered an asshole for about as long as i can remember. That's just my style." please don't reply. don't try to argue or comfort. i don't want it.

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