[10:33 a.m.] : [2003-09-09]
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i'd sit on my hands if it would do any good friday we went out to a party our old next door neighbor was throwing at his new place and i actually engaged in multiple conversations with multiple previously unknows girls. one group of three for a good deal of time and then my roomates found me and jumped in and i ended up convinceing said girls to join us at another party another friend of our house was throwing so T and the boy went ahead and i rode with said girls to show them where the party was then once inside promptly left the group and was talking to two other girls for ten minutes or so and then rejoined and found us a nice quiet sofa filled corner we could all sit in and that is where we stayed for the next two hours. and i was next to the cutest one (of course) and making conversation and being witty and clever and enjoying the company and the fact that i was do well at not being my usual self of mumbeling and rambeling and talking about dumn stuff or not talking at all. then the party ended we got their number, the three are all roommates as well so the math works nicely. we came home and much props where givin to mark and his game... which really was a first for me... ok maybe like a second or a third i'm sure i've been witty and charming atleast one other time in the last year or so. but it took a lot out of me, and now i don't know what if anything i am going to do about the situation. sure i just said i want a girl in my last entry, but if i really knew how to go about it i would of had one so i wouldn't of had to make that entry. i just hate the whole dating thing, meeting strange new people getting used to them or mainly them getting used to you. i've always felt the nicest part of any relationship is the part where you've gotten really close to someone but haven't quite made anything official and it's all nervousness and increadibly obvious firting and a bajillion momnets where you almost kiss but then hesitate. it seems stupid but that feels so good, not that actually having someone you can make out with for hours isn't good, they are just very different. anyways, i've always liked that part it's just going from meeting someone once at a party and having there number to being at that point, thats what gets me. i hate it because i don't know what to do about it. i want to skip that part, actually right now i want to skip all the parts and go straight to the point where i could call her up at three a.m. to go walking threw the art building with me because i like campus at night... grrr. in other news i think i am loosing my mind on other fronts. i've been seeing things, and seeing some things and thinking they are other things. nothing too extream or out there. but the fact that i'm seeing things in general bothers me, maybe, i haven't decided yet. i'll get back to you on it.
i want to get well and find a spell i can sell |
