[12:51 a.m.] : [2010-09-30]
|
In the dream we arrived at an apartment. Mine or hers I do not know, I wasn't paying attention to who pulled out a key and opened the door. These things seldom matter in dreams, but we made it from the car to the couch with relative ease while greatly distracted with each others bodies. The television had been turned on as a formality. Background noise as we kept ourselves occupied with each other on the sofa. After a couple of minutes of making out on the sofa the mood should have been set and ready to move on to the next level, but something about everything in the moment felt wrong all at once. It was a thought, the briefest of ideas, a question, and a realization. I opened my eyes without breaking the embrace and found my fears to be true. I broke the embrace and pushed her body away from mine and holding her at arms length asked with no restraint to the harshness of the question, "What the hell am I doing here?" She was taken back by my confusion and in a concerned and soothing voice ignored the question, "We drove here in your car." "I didn't ask how we got here, I mean what are we doing. Me... YOU!" I had too much in my head to put it all together and everything was a muddle as dreams often are when you're trying to grab hold of something concrete. But I knew there was something important behind it all. "It's okay," she offered trying to easy my grip and close the distance. For a moment it worked and her body was again pressed against mine. "We're together, this is what you want isn't it? Don't you love me anymore?" It was that last question, like the sun clearing the morning fog, everything was visible. I looked her straight in the eye and speaking clearly, plain and slow and with voice raised enough to be firm and clear said, "NOOOOOO!" I don't know if I woke up immediately after in a rush to get back to the distance I've built from her or if there was more that just wasn't important enough to remember. Either way next thing I remember I'm laying in bed in the dark of my room and as I try to drift back to sleep I can't help but smile and wish my subconscious was tangible enough to hi-five. |
